Pursuing Dreams While Raising Kids
I used to be such a natural dreamer. I used to believe that I could do or be anything I put my mind to whether people believed in me or not. I remember wanting to be so many things as a little girl. I wanted to be a singer, a wedding coordinator, a clothing designer, a speaker, a teacher, a professional dancer, a musician, a choreographer, a writer, a mom, a wife, an entrepreneur, a movie star, a Broadway actress. My list could go on and on. Could yours? This may surprise people that know me now, but the first job I ever remember wanting when I was a little kid was the person that got shot out of the cannon at the circus. I thought she was THE coolest person ever, so why wouldn’t I want to be her when I grew up? All my aspirations seemed possible, reasonable (if you consider joining the circus reasonable), and within reach. When I was younger, dreaming just came so easily and naturally, and I truly believed my life would turn out exciting and great.
However, over time, those exciting and innocent dreams got pushed back or shut down by the hardships and realities of life, and it became much more challenging to continue dreaming for the future or acting on those dreams. This became even more difficult once I became a mom.
Although being a wife and mom was always on the top of my list when considering the dreams I had for my life (and I am SO incredibly grateful for the gift of my husband and children), the reality of motherhood has often felt less like a dream and more like a state of survival. I love my three boys with my whole heart, but being a present and active parent is truly the most consuming, sacrificial, life-laid-down role I could have ever taken on, and it’s honestly had such an impact on my capacity to dream new dreams or remember dreams of the past.
To give context, I am still in a stage of life where my kids are all fairly young. My oldest is 7, my middle is 3, and my youngest is a 19-month-old. I have all boys, so energy levels are high, compliance to instruction is often low, and sibling fights are plentiful. Not to mention that all of my kids have some form of need that requires extra attention, therapies, or doctor’s appointments. When I talk to moms of older children or empty nesters, they all confirm that this season of having little kids can be incredibly hard. It can truly feel like, as a parent, you are in the utter trenches of life and just trying to survive day to day.
But What About My Dreams?
If you’re also in a season of life with babies, young children, teenagers, or kids with specialized needs, you may relate to this feeling of being in the trenches. Or maybe you’re managing motherhood well, but the mundane nature of being a mom has gotten to you over time. Wherever you find yourself, you may be wondering…
“What happened to my dreams?”
“Do I have a purpose outside of all this?”
“What makes me feel alive now?”
“When will it be time for me to pursue my ambitions?”
For a while, I found myself accepting the fact that it wasn’t my turn to have dreams, do something “important” outside of my role as a wife and mom, or make time for my interests. It was my turn to simply raise my kids to be equipped and encouraged to pursue all of THEIR dreams. It was my turn to provide the support for my husband in order for him to be able to go out and accomplish all of HIS greatest ambitions.
It was my turn to simply WAIT my turn.
I want to be clear here. I STRONGLY believe in the invaluable work of a woman in the development and growth of her children and in the support of a hard-working husband who’s making his own sacrifices for the family. I am a stay-at-home mom for these very reasons among others, and I have no regrets in making that decision (and you shouldn’t either). For some women, having the means to be a stay-at-home mom at all is a dream especially in an economy that has made it incredibly difficult and sometimes impossible to survive on one income. For other women, having a husband is a dream as they try to support their kids all on their own due to being a single parent. For some, there may be complete fulfillment in birthing or adopting babies, raising kids, keeping house, and being a good wife without lots of other dreams and ambitions in the back of their minds. There is space for all scenarios and women here.
But as someone who has been called to things in addition to being a mom, who has dreams and aspirations outside of changing diapers and homeschooling little boys, I have started allowing myself to also believe that there may be space for my dreams and ambitions right now too. And I’m believing this for those of you as well that know you were once called to and gifted for things outside of motherhood and/or being a wife and homemaker that have since been forgotten or silenced. Maybe we don’t have all the time, capacity, and resources in the world to fully walk into our dreams the way we’d like to. We clearly have a huge responsibility in taking care of many of the needs of our husbands (if married), children, and homes. Maybe it’s not the time to start a new career, travel the world, write a book, launch a business, change careers, start college, or do something huge in an effort to meet our dreams. Each individual woman is the only one that knows what is possible in this season of her life.
But is it a realistic possibility for us to start remembering and acknowledging the fact that we have dreams and that these dreams are valuable and there for a purpose? Additionally, can we begin to value our ambitions enough to take action in the midst of being mothers even if we don’t see the full fruit of our actions until later?
I not only believe this is possible. I also believe that this may be good and life giving to many of us while we’re still in the messy middle of raising children. But where do we start?
Write a List of All of Your Dreams and Ambitions
Get out a piece of paper or a journal and simply begin writing every dream and ambition that comes to mind. Don’t prejudge anything or edit your list. Just allow yourself to dream freely and record those dreams on paper. They do not have to be solely achievement-related dreams, so don’t limit yourself. You could write down life experiences you want to explore, skills you have a desire to learn, places you want to see, etc. This is a beautiful practice of simply acknowledging your ambitions, both old and new, so that you can observe what excites you, what you find valuable, what you may be called to, and what might make you feel alive again.
Pick a Dream You Can Realistically Act On
Once you have a good running list of all your ambitions, look over it and identify a dream you can realistically act on now. Key word is *realistically*. For example, one of my ambitions is to become a great cook. I’m not a horrible cook necessarily. But I’d love to become a phenomenal cook that can change lives simply through my delicious cooking. Yes. CHANGE LIVES! I believe in the ministry of good food. I’ve been the recipient of meals cooked in love and shared in times of need. It is my dream to be able to bless my family and others through great home cooking. And thankfully, this is a realistic goal for me in this season of life. I’m a stay-at-home mom with access to a kitchen and groceries. It may seem like a silly ambition, but it is realistic for me to act on now.
Take One Small Step Towards Your Dream
Once you’ve identified a realistic ambition in this current season of your life, decide on just one step you could take towards that dream even if it seems insignificant. Using my example above, one step I could take is to try one new recipe a week. Another step could be watching YouTube videos of cooking tips. If I had the budget for it, I could also schedule a fun cooking class in order to learn different cuisines or cooking techniques. There are several very simple steps I could take just to work towards my dream of becoming a great cook. You can apply this principle to any dream you have decided is realistic to act on. If one of your ambitions is to open an Etsy shop to sell your artwork, you could start by creating one piece of art. Every time your dream comes to mind, you could continue adding to your art collection. One of your steps could be to set up your Etsy account. Another step could be to spend time pricing your artwork. Hopefully you get the idea. When you look at your overall dream, think of just one step that you have the capacity for in this moment and focus on just that step. Every small action in the right direction is an important investment into your dream!
Don't Give Up
I know it can be easy to feel discouraged about achieving your dreams while raising kids. Our time is not fully our own as we care for the needs of our families and homes, and it can feel like all the ambitions and callings we once had are no longer within reach. I have tried to give up so many times before or tell myself that my turn to dream will come again when my kids are older or more independent. But we should not give up. It may not be our season to hustle or do huge things. Maybe it is for some of us that have a good amount of resources and outside support. But regardless, it is still all of our seasons to dream and take action no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. God has placed something within each of us that is unique, valuable, and worth exploring even in this moment of time and in our role as mothers. Let’s be women who will not fail to remember and acknowledge our dreams and who have the courage to take small steps in the direction towards all that God has put on our hearts. Friends, I urge you. Don’t give up.
What are you doing to achieve your dreams?
I’d love to hear about some of your dreams and what steps you’re planning to take in order to achieve them. Let’s encourage each other and share ideas in the comments! Thanks for reading.
John E. Snyder
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